these r just sum of the thoughts i had today...which made me wana burst into tears...this is..my life so far...

my and
my family is livin in a world of unjust
i always wonder why
why they have to be so cruel to us
all we want is a normal, peaceful n happy life
and all i want is a place
a place where i'm truly belong and called 'home'


i think i'll just telling you all
all about me and my life

since young
i was pampered by everyone like a princess
just because of my handicapped body
i love it
but i wanted to be treated like an ordinary person more
i wanna show them that i'm also like them
capable of everything and stop worrying about me

at that time my family was happy
everything was going fine
we had a little but comfortable house
and that was my first home
my mum is always smiling and my sis is my idol
only dad came home one day and brought us sum bad news

i was feeling really great when i entered primary school
because everyone treated me like one of them
and that was what i wanted
we played and joked and teased each other
teachers sumtimes scolded me too
my parents also started doing that too
haha
i was feeling really great
because i was equal with my friends
i was not a princess anymore

but then came that fateful day
where we gona leave our second home
due to what my dad had done
i tried to help too
but mum stopped me
she sed i was too young and didnt really understand what the hell was happpenin
well mum, i actually knew
and when i knew i couldn't save my second home
i cried n cried with my sis
but what to do
i told myself that this is fate
but sis told me that we can change our fate
so much like naruto

so life becomes even harder when i started high school
friendships, studies, and bla bla bla
everything just became so difficult to handle
first i was crictisize by my parents
than almost all the teachers
for not doing as good as my sis
they sed to me
" your sis could score 90++ tat time, why cant u do the same?"
or
"why cant u be like your sis? she's good in everything!"
ya ya i know she's great
but wad the fcuk?
i am me and she is she
we are two different people
so dont compare us
i told them i can also shine
as bright as my sis
onli that the path i choose is different from hers
than they finally stopped doing it and i'm happy wif the result
but than one day i overheard my mum
telling my sis that she's great
that everything she'd done for my sis was worth it
hearing this made me sick
i cried n cried
my mum never sed me great before
she taught my sis how to swim but not me
she brought my sis to dancing lessons but not me
she allowed my sis to buy songs when she's my age, but not me
to her
my sis is everything
everything my sis says are true, but mine wrong
so i said to myself that
i'm going to prove to you guys how great i am
in a different way from my sis
and this one of the thing that keeps me going to achieve my dream

after that
came the friendship part
i met and befriend a friend who i thought that time
was my truely best friend
how foolish i was
when i realised that she'd betrayed me
just because i did some small mistakes during a school project
again
i admit
i was a weak person in those days
so i cried
i duno how many tears i'd shed for that girl
but suddenly i came to my senses one day
and now i must truely thank that friend of mine
for helping me to become what i am today

so
i'm strong now
physically and mentally
but not my family
the place i'm living right now
i can;t truely call it a 'home'
it's just a shelter for my family
and then most of my aunts who are still living in kuching
treated my mum like wad
just because they think they have more 'class' n richer than her
my mum is strong too
'cuz she'd bear it without any complaint
but her body is getting weaker and weaker
so me and my sis always try our hardest to help her
my sis is yet another strong woman
she's considered the best student for her university
and now she owns a company which is gaining popularity day by day
her hardwork has helped the family alot
but yet not enough to buy a house
our own house
and so my dad was still the same
but he'd changed his habit
he works hard
harder than ever
trying to save his family
and this is all what happens now
i really wonder when
when i can really shine like my sis
when i can have a place to call home

all i know is tat
i'm still searching...


life goes on