Touka Koukan 等物交换

aaah...my sis is going to Dubai next morning with her partner for a week..working of coz, not travelling. and she doesnt know about mum's current condition yet, which is quite bad...the report will be out tomolo, but the doctor had told my mum tat the virus (breast cancer) had already started to spread even before they had taken it out. so...i duno..dad n mum didnt wana tell me much. but i know my mum is suffering badly right now. she keeps thinking about negative stuff..while me n my sis had oledy tried our best to cheer her up...right now, i cant think of anything to say to her, but onli to smile at her...sigh...somtimes i really wonder...am i destined to deal with all of this, just to make me more stonger in life?

first > my dad had made a big mistake, which brought us to live in this so called 'home'...

second > sum of my relatives look down on us, and taunt my mum alot, just bcoz they think they are rich.

third > my grandma had passed away last year, which made a huge impact to my family (this is too complicated...you guys wont understand our situation..unless you're in my shoes)

fourth > my mum's heatlh...this must be a joke. i mean, God, do you really like to play with us? we had suffered a lot already, and now you think it's not enough? aargh~! sumtimes i felt jealous of my frens...they hav their own house, which they truly belong to; their family arer happy, with no worries at all; they get to fly from this place to another place, while we can onli reach until Kuala Lumpur, onli when i'm involved in the national level drawing competition; i'm jealous that my frens can go home after school by car, that they can go everywhere they want. they hav no problems with transportation!

is god fair to everyone? my sis used to tell me that, when He closes the window, He'll open another door for us. she told me when i was still wondering why am i onli hav one arm. this is quite true, coz He has given me talents. talents in art and music, or maybe more, which i shall uncover them myslef in the future.

there's an anime called Fullmetal Alchemist. the story is set in an alchemy world, where ppl got the talent to break down certain things and tranform/make it into sth else. for example, they could transform a metal stick into another metal stuff just by drawing a symbol around that thing. Alchemy though, is science, not magic. and with all sciences there are laws that must be followed. in this case, the law is 'Touka Koukan', which means equivalent trade. that is, you must giv in sth to achieve another thing. and i just hav a thought. maybe this equivalent trade happens in our real life too...between us human n God. we must sacrifice to get the things we want. maybe these are the challenges that God givs us to face n cope with, to exchange for a better life in the future. who knows? although i'm suffering right now, i believe that my fate will change in the future. yea..maybe this is wad actually happens...equivalent trade.

*returns to the old crazy-eiChi- self*

Yup, i believe it is...'touka koukan'..nice word, dont you think? bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! XD so lets be prepared to erase my past life n write a new one! yes~ (^O^)