it really hurts..really...

...how am i suppose to put these into words? guess i'll just write it down one by one...

Mum
yea..my mum was hospitalised for about a week due to breast cancer. well, just a minor one, the poison hadnt spread yet, n the doctor had got it removed. still, i feel sad n sorry for my mum. i owez left all the house chores to my mum. i only did a bit when she was still healthy..i felt bad...al i thought was entertainment n more leisure. aaah..now i realised tat, i had hurt my mum alot..well..maybe..this is wad i thought. i was owez the stubborn n naughty one, even though i'm olready Form 5. sorry mum, i promise tat i'll try to be more mature from now on and do wad i'm suppose to do. i know you hav put alot of hope on me, n dont worry, i'll never let you down.

to my family..
sis, dad, i know you guys too, like mum, want me to be a successful person. get straight A1 in SPM, got the first prize in tat poster drwaing competition, n hav a desirable/ well paid/ professional job. but if you guys still treat me like i'm primary 6, plz...stop. i'd enough. when sis was helping to refine my poster b4 handed it in, you guys were like :" chi, see how sis hold the brush..see how she color it..." or " do you understand wad your sis is doing? " wtf...i was all quite during that time, but deep inside me, i wana scream, shout, to tell you guys tat, hell plz~ i'm already 17, i got my own style of drawing, my own style of letting my drawing stands out. i was so fustrated, how come you guys never knew? all you know is tat, sis is the best, n i must be exactly like her in the future, tat she is owez the right one, but not me! i want to be the best too! i want to be different from her! n i also wana be the right one! tat you guys can show off to other younger kids! you guys allowed her to persue her dream -- ID (interior design), but when it come sto me, i sed i want to study graphics art or anything to with dsign (but not ID) you guys stopped me, or sed : " we'll discuss it later" why, WHY cant i just follow my dream? my interest? it's easy for you to say :" oh, you can be a lawyer or a lecturer" HELL NO!! sis...i know i'm not suppose to behave like this, but u'll never know wad mu feelings inside, becoz you never hav an elder sis or bro who mum n dad will determined him/her as ur role model. i'm sorrry, this is how i really feel. i'm hurt everytime you guys treat me like this. imagine sis, that you are oledy 17 or 18, when you oledy got ur own perspective towards things n got ur own style, thn dad criticises u bcoz you are not like ur elder siblings or reach the same target as thiers. it hurts. i wana stand out too, i also wan, at least, mum n dad noticed my own talents, not over-shadowed by urs... they only accpet urs, not mine...n i hate it....i'm crying right now...shit... i also wana be like you.......can we just be equal?...