it really hurts..really...

...how am i suppose to put these into words? guess i'll just write it down one by one...

Mum
yea..my mum was hospitalised for about a week due to breast cancer. well, just a minor one, the poison hadnt spread yet, n the doctor had got it removed. still, i feel sad n sorry for my mum. i owez left all the house chores to my mum. i only did a bit when she was still healthy..i felt bad...al i thought was entertainment n more leisure. aaah..now i realised tat, i had hurt my mum alot..well..maybe..this is wad i thought. i was owez the stubborn n naughty one, even though i'm olready Form 5. sorry mum, i promise tat i'll try to be more mature from now on and do wad i'm suppose to do. i know you hav put alot of hope on me, n dont worry, i'll never let you down.

to my family..
sis, dad, i know you guys too, like mum, want me to be a successful person. get straight A1 in SPM, got the first prize in tat poster drwaing competition, n hav a desirable/ well paid/ professional job. but if you guys still treat me like i'm primary 6, plz...stop. i'd enough. when sis was helping to refine my poster b4 handed it in, you guys were like :" chi, see how sis hold the brush..see how she color it..." or " do you understand wad your sis is doing? " wtf...i was all quite during that time, but deep inside me, i wana scream, shout, to tell you guys tat, hell plz~ i'm already 17, i got my own style of drawing, my own style of letting my drawing stands out. i was so fustrated, how come you guys never knew? all you know is tat, sis is the best, n i must be exactly like her in the future, tat she is owez the right one, but not me! i want to be the best too! i want to be different from her! n i also wana be the right one! tat you guys can show off to other younger kids! you guys allowed her to persue her dream -- ID (interior design), but when it come sto me, i sed i want to study graphics art or anything to with dsign (but not ID) you guys stopped me, or sed : " we'll discuss it later" why, WHY cant i just follow my dream? my interest? it's easy for you to say :" oh, you can be a lawyer or a lecturer" HELL NO!! sis...i know i'm not suppose to behave like this, but u'll never know wad mu feelings inside, becoz you never hav an elder sis or bro who mum n dad will determined him/her as ur role model. i'm sorrry, this is how i really feel. i'm hurt everytime you guys treat me like this. imagine sis, that you are oledy 17 or 18, when you oledy got ur own perspective towards things n got ur own style, thn dad criticises u bcoz you are not like ur elder siblings or reach the same target as thiers. it hurts. i wana stand out too, i also wan, at least, mum n dad noticed my own talents, not over-shadowed by urs... they only accpet urs, not mine...n i hate it....i'm crying right now...shit... i also wana be like you.......can we just be equal?...

ahaha..= . =

aaah...tired....
mama just got her operation done the day before
and yes, everything is gona be ok
at least
i believe
and my sister believe
dad too
so ma,
never give up, k?
coz you still got us

i cried yesterday
first time, bcoz of stress
house chores
unlimited homework
everlasting tuitions
and worst of all
the drawing competition that may change my future
oh ya
and the sidang redaksi thingy

i wonder why i still like him?
when our taste of art are totally different?
i desperately want mine to be picked
he too feel the same way
and i cried too bcoz of him
part of me want success
but the other part of me dislike to see his sad face
i duno
i'm confused
i like him, but i like my art too

maybe time will heal everything...
mum's health
dad's job
my unpredictable future
n my connection with him
yea...i'll know soon enough...

aaah..very tired....sleep.

aiksss
today is tat person's birthday...

hmm..wonder wad's tat person doing now....

Valentine's Day












wad did i do today...?

1. seriously hoping tat there's a mysterious person who'll gime roses.

2. saying "Happy Valentine's Day' to every ppl i know.

3. played with my fren's rose n imagined tat they were mine.

4. fooling around with my male pals

5. teasing all those couples.

6. in the end got so tired n no roses for me.

...yeah...

so wad about my frens?

1. sum were like me...*points up*

2. sum were just...'so wad??'

3. sum were happy..coz couples mah~

4. sum were...'wad?? today is valentine's day??'

5. sum were bz selling flowers @ roses

6. sum were recieving roses with confused expression.."hu..?"

...oh yeah...

conclusion?

it's just like any other ordinary day...

Life Goes On...

Bwahahahahahahaha~~~ XD

emotions...

so many things had happened, just in these two weeks...first, is the CNY, second, is our school sports day, third, the drawing competition which may will affect my future, n lastly, my mum's health.....i'm in a mess now. well, not really, just the feelings...it's all cramped together with happiness n sadness n fear. O.o''' CNY was fun, coz i got many ang pows n visited my frens; sports day was fun too, esp on the second day. i was very crazy with my other frens: ran around the stadium, sang karaoke, n finally made him happier. as for the drawing competition..i guess i sud call it a design competition. if i win it, n hopefully, i'll get a full scholarship to further my studies in LimKokWing Uni...so, i really gona unleash my full potential, just to win this. n now, my mum is in the hospital, still having the operation i suppose.. she looks so worried n sad n scared....my sis keeps trying to cheer her up, saying tat it'll be ok n over soon. keeps telinn her to smile. but i cant do that...i duno..i don even dare to bring up the topic to her, scared tat it'll worsen her spirits. so i just kept quiet, smile at my mum, n do wad i'm suppose to do, help her with the house chores, study hard n be a good gal..these are all wad i can do now....

mum...dont worry, we will owez be with you. n yes, be strong, mum. you can do it. coz you are the greatest mum in this whole world...

gong xi fa cai~

ok, finally got my CNY photos updload in my comp. weeeeeee~~~ XD so now, teng! teng! teng! teng!!!!



<<< i'm reli proud of this pic XD i'm a model!!! weee~~




















<<< Kuching punya S.H.E!!!!!




















<<< erm...edited usin photoshop...















<<< acted cool...



















<<< me n my super dad!!!















<<< me n my super mom!!!!